Wow. This is beautiful and profound. I am in the midst of a similar journey - from all-consuming and intense workaholism to a more balanced and fulfilling life freelancing.
This transition remains hard because I have to put aside this version of myself who IS really great. Godzilla gets stuff done. I worked so hard to get here, to survive and I am proud of it. But I don't like what it does to me when I come home from work. I need another way.
It's a work in progress and I'm still not sure who I am if I'm not this productive, high functioning guy. "It's not about doing, it's about being" my French therapist seems to say every session, frustratingly. I want to do the work to figure it out but even that kind of misses the point!
Yes yes a thousand times yes. I love how you have a different name for your perfectionist workaholic (Godzilla). I usually think about "Boss Brenna". She's always wearing a pencil skirt. I thought it was supposed to be me in the board room and pencil skirt! But now I picture myself without undergarments in a linen dress and seashell jewelry. HA.
Kate Moss traumatized us in the 90s...will Cheryl Sandberg be the villain of the 00s?
Once again, we’re on the same wavelength in terms of writing topic this week, friend. It is comforting to know that before your season of rest, you too felt you were doing great work. And that others are also noticing that the season of post-burnout rest lasts longer than you expect -- six months, a year. I guess after hustling for a lifetime there’s a lot of resting up to do. Your notes on Godzilla make me think of Shonda Rhimes’ description of her work self as The Titan in her “Year of Saying Yes to Everything” talk. And how our mutual rediscovery of what matters -- at work or at home -- is what she calls “the hum.”
"oddly flat", I hear you on that as a fellow freelancer/writer who ditto enjoys the wandering though finds it sometimes tainted by a doubting/judging/perfectionist mind that also says I ought to be busy/busier. I'm currently playing with dropping the descriptions I give those feelings of apparent lack, and just sitting with them. It's hard. Illuminating. And not always in a happy aha way. Embracing imperfection/the natural flow is hard work, lol!
Gosh this is spot on. I have been unemployed for the last three months and am going through a similar journey. I don’t know how I’ll ever go back but...ya know need money to buy chicken nuggets.
Mar 3, 2023·edited Mar 3, 2023Liked by Liz McCrocklin
Well timed for a Friday post because I'm feeling so fried today. It leaves me pondering what it might feel like to lean at, knowing that I'm committed to walking into a uncontrolled-forest-fire of a project that has the potential to be awesome but is currently feeling like it might eat me alive. Love this blog Liz. Thank you!
I'm enjoying this phase of my life where I decided from the outset that my new job wasn't going to define me - I'd do the job but not die trying; shut it off when I go home, have boundaries. Care LESS not more. I agree, def don't want any more of that leaning in BS. I'm tired.
I think I mentioned to you before that I’m a perfectionism coach, but the irony is that I burned myself out and I’ve been on my own sabbatical these past few months, intentionally slowing down for the first time in my life. It’s amazing how my body feels the difference, and how clear it’s become that I put so much pressure on myself for so long, even when I thought I was letting up. Thank you for sharing your experience, and your brilliant words!
So appreciate your candor in this. Going freelance is one of the weirdest experiences — to leave corporate but still kinda be in it. Think I need that book too haha
Love this! Keeping leaning at and taking time to smell the flowers, my friend. I always say, let's actively avoid perfectionism, since perfection has an infinite ceiling which seems hard to reach-- and settle into floating below it blissfully.
Lovely writing, Liz. So true! It's helping me process my most recent professional breakup, a mass layoff at my company (was for the best, but it's hard being the dumpee and not the dumper). I'm not really a perfectionist, but I do relate to an innate need be productive. I've always been bad at office politics, but trusted (naively) that if I produce good work, that will speak for me. This layoff taught me that even though the work I and my many talented colleagues were producing was high-quality, our company could still deem us unessential when it came down to cutting costs.
Your post is a timely reminder that the people who matter most to me don't give a shit whether I'm productive; they just want me to be, as you put it, more myself. And I'm working on adopting this expectation, too. Thank you for this.
Wow. This is beautiful and profound. I am in the midst of a similar journey - from all-consuming and intense workaholism to a more balanced and fulfilling life freelancing.
This transition remains hard because I have to put aside this version of myself who IS really great. Godzilla gets stuff done. I worked so hard to get here, to survive and I am proud of it. But I don't like what it does to me when I come home from work. I need another way.
It's a work in progress and I'm still not sure who I am if I'm not this productive, high functioning guy. "It's not about doing, it's about being" my French therapist seems to say every session, frustratingly. I want to do the work to figure it out but even that kind of misses the point!
Anyway, thank you again for sharing this.
Yes yes a thousand times yes. I love how you have a different name for your perfectionist workaholic (Godzilla). I usually think about "Boss Brenna". She's always wearing a pencil skirt. I thought it was supposed to be me in the board room and pencil skirt! But now I picture myself without undergarments in a linen dress and seashell jewelry. HA.
Kate Moss traumatized us in the 90s...will Cheryl Sandberg be the villain of the 00s?
Keep going Liz!!! Good job!!!
Once again, we’re on the same wavelength in terms of writing topic this week, friend. It is comforting to know that before your season of rest, you too felt you were doing great work. And that others are also noticing that the season of post-burnout rest lasts longer than you expect -- six months, a year. I guess after hustling for a lifetime there’s a lot of resting up to do. Your notes on Godzilla make me think of Shonda Rhimes’ description of her work self as The Titan in her “Year of Saying Yes to Everything” talk. And how our mutual rediscovery of what matters -- at work or at home -- is what she calls “the hum.”
"oddly flat", I hear you on that as a fellow freelancer/writer who ditto enjoys the wandering though finds it sometimes tainted by a doubting/judging/perfectionist mind that also says I ought to be busy/busier. I'm currently playing with dropping the descriptions I give those feelings of apparent lack, and just sitting with them. It's hard. Illuminating. And not always in a happy aha way. Embracing imperfection/the natural flow is hard work, lol!
Beautiful writing, Liz!
Gosh this is spot on. I have been unemployed for the last three months and am going through a similar journey. I don’t know how I’ll ever go back but...ya know need money to buy chicken nuggets.
Well timed for a Friday post because I'm feeling so fried today. It leaves me pondering what it might feel like to lean at, knowing that I'm committed to walking into a uncontrolled-forest-fire of a project that has the potential to be awesome but is currently feeling like it might eat me alive. Love this blog Liz. Thank you!
Also this: “I found that things got a lot easier when I no longer expected to win.“ Leonard Cohen on perfectionism --- https://austinkleon.com/2023/02/26/leonard-cohen-on-perfectionism/?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email
I'm enjoying this phase of my life where I decided from the outset that my new job wasn't going to define me - I'd do the job but not die trying; shut it off when I go home, have boundaries. Care LESS not more. I agree, def don't want any more of that leaning in BS. I'm tired.
I think I mentioned to you before that I’m a perfectionism coach, but the irony is that I burned myself out and I’ve been on my own sabbatical these past few months, intentionally slowing down for the first time in my life. It’s amazing how my body feels the difference, and how clear it’s become that I put so much pressure on myself for so long, even when I thought I was letting up. Thank you for sharing your experience, and your brilliant words!
Just catching up on a month of blogs…happy tulip season! I’m so honored to have a cameo 💚🌻🌱
So appreciate your candor in this. Going freelance is one of the weirdest experiences — to leave corporate but still kinda be in it. Think I need that book too haha
Love this! Keeping leaning at and taking time to smell the flowers, my friend. I always say, let's actively avoid perfectionism, since perfection has an infinite ceiling which seems hard to reach-- and settle into floating below it blissfully.
Lovely writing, Liz. So true! It's helping me process my most recent professional breakup, a mass layoff at my company (was for the best, but it's hard being the dumpee and not the dumper). I'm not really a perfectionist, but I do relate to an innate need be productive. I've always been bad at office politics, but trusted (naively) that if I produce good work, that will speak for me. This layoff taught me that even though the work I and my many talented colleagues were producing was high-quality, our company could still deem us unessential when it came down to cutting costs.
Your post is a timely reminder that the people who matter most to me don't give a shit whether I'm productive; they just want me to be, as you put it, more myself. And I'm working on adopting this expectation, too. Thank you for this.