Wow. This is beautiful and profound. I am in the midst of a similar journey - from all-consuming and intense workaholism to a more balanced and fulfilling life freelancing.
This transition remains hard because I have to put aside this version of myself who IS really great. Godzilla gets stuff done. I worked so hard to get here, to survive and I am proud of it. But I don't like what it does to me when I come home from work. I need another way.
It's a work in progress and I'm still not sure who I am if I'm not this productive, high functioning guy. "It's not about doing, it's about being" my French therapist seems to say every session, frustratingly. I want to do the work to figure it out but even that kind of misses the point!
Totally!! I love/hate it when therapists say stuff like that. I think: ok, I hear you, and I see the wisdom... but can I get a workplan on how to do this “being” thing? What is my critical path?? :)
I really feel you on the struggle to give up what feels like part of yourself. Like this worked! For a long time! I’m proud of where it got me!
Increasingly I’m thinking about it less as giving up who I am—I’m always gonna be high functioning AF—and more about making space space for other parts alongside the competence. Congrats on the transition to freelance!
Yes yes a thousand times yes. I love how you have a different name for your perfectionist workaholic (Godzilla). I usually think about "Boss Brenna". She's always wearing a pencil skirt. I thought it was supposed to be me in the board room and pencil skirt! But now I picture myself without undergarments in a linen dress and seashell jewelry. HA.
Kate Moss traumatized us in the 90s...will Cheryl Sandberg be the villain of the 00s?
Yes, the pencil skirts!! Why was it always pencil skirts? I had a whole closet full, and blazers to match. Lol I love your anti-boss-brenna outfit! Mine would definitely involve a flowy dress and sandals. And seriously re: Cheryl Sandburg. Even she appears to be questioning her own ‘lean in’ strategy these days: https://eleanormills.substack.com/p/world-exclusive-sheryl-sandberg-talks
Once again, we’re on the same wavelength in terms of writing topic this week, friend. It is comforting to know that before your season of rest, you too felt you were doing great work. And that others are also noticing that the season of post-burnout rest lasts longer than you expect -- six months, a year. I guess after hustling for a lifetime there’s a lot of resting up to do. Your notes on Godzilla make me think of Shonda Rhimes’ description of her work self as The Titan in her “Year of Saying Yes to Everything” talk. And how our mutual rediscovery of what matters -- at work or at home -- is what she calls “the hum.”
Yes! The work was good and my team was fabulous. As Taylor says: I’m the problem, it’s me :)
Yeah every time another bad-ass woman says it takes six months to a year, I breathe a sigh of relief and remind myself I’m 8 weeks in. I also thought 6 months felt like an extravagant amount of time to process my divorce at the beginning—surely I could make this grieving thing more efficient!—and yet here we are ha.
I loved Year of Yes, I’ll have to give it another read!
Strong relate. I’m in a place where I’m now trying to ask: okay, so if I at least partially created this problem, how do I solve it? Our system seems to demand that people work to burnout even if we don’t want to. I imagine that part of mounting an effective resistance to the external pressure is to stop re-creating it internally.
"oddly flat", I hear you on that as a fellow freelancer/writer who ditto enjoys the wandering though finds it sometimes tainted by a doubting/judging/perfectionist mind that also says I ought to be busy/busier. I'm currently playing with dropping the descriptions I give those feelings of apparent lack, and just sitting with them. It's hard. Illuminating. And not always in a happy aha way. Embracing imperfection/the natural flow is hard work, lol!
Gosh this is spot on. I have been unemployed for the last three months and am going through a similar journey. I don’t know how I’ll ever go back but...ya know need money to buy chicken nuggets.
Right? I feel like I could be a good lady if leisure. Unfortunately my bank account does not agree. I’m already questioning if I can / will go back to a more traditional job.
Well timed for a Friday post because I'm feeling so fried today. It leaves me pondering what it might feel like to lean at, knowing that I'm committed to walking into a uncontrolled-forest-fire of a project that has the potential to be awesome but is currently feeling like it might eat me alive. Love this blog Liz. Thank you!
Ooof, this was exactly what I needed to hear today, thanks cricket!
“If it is your destiny to be this laborer called a writer, you know that you’ve got to go to work every day, but you also know that you’re not gonna get it every day. You have to be prepared, but you really don’t command the enterprise.“
I'm enjoying this phase of my life where I decided from the outset that my new job wasn't going to define me - I'd do the job but not die trying; shut it off when I go home, have boundaries. Care LESS not more. I agree, def don't want any more of that leaning in BS. I'm tired.
I think I mentioned to you before that I’m a perfectionism coach, but the irony is that I burned myself out and I’ve been on my own sabbatical these past few months, intentionally slowing down for the first time in my life. It’s amazing how my body feels the difference, and how clear it’s become that I put so much pressure on myself for so long, even when I thought I was letting up. Thank you for sharing your experience, and your brilliant words!
It’s amazing how we don’t truly feel how much we need the change until we make it, isn’t it? There’s a quote I think of often that says “True self-care is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.” Congratulations on taking the sabbatical and reclaiming your energy!
So appreciate your candor in this. Going freelance is one of the weirdest experiences — to leave corporate but still kinda be in it. Think I need that book too haha
SO weird! I’m engaging daily with corporations, but not fully in the ecosystem. I’m still writing memos and making spreadsheets out of instinct. Old habits die hard.
Love this! Keeping leaning at and taking time to smell the flowers, my friend. I always say, let's actively avoid perfectionism, since perfection has an infinite ceiling which seems hard to reach-- and settle into floating below it blissfully.
Lovely writing, Liz. So true! It's helping me process my most recent professional breakup, a mass layoff at my company (was for the best, but it's hard being the dumpee and not the dumper). I'm not really a perfectionist, but I do relate to an innate need be productive. I've always been bad at office politics, but trusted (naively) that if I produce good work, that will speak for me. This layoff taught me that even though the work I and my many talented colleagues were producing was high-quality, our company could still deem us unessential when it came down to cutting costs.
Your post is a timely reminder that the people who matter most to me don't give a shit whether I'm productive; they just want me to be, as you put it, more myself. And I'm working on adopting this expectation, too. Thank you for this.
Wow. This is beautiful and profound. I am in the midst of a similar journey - from all-consuming and intense workaholism to a more balanced and fulfilling life freelancing.
This transition remains hard because I have to put aside this version of myself who IS really great. Godzilla gets stuff done. I worked so hard to get here, to survive and I am proud of it. But I don't like what it does to me when I come home from work. I need another way.
It's a work in progress and I'm still not sure who I am if I'm not this productive, high functioning guy. "It's not about doing, it's about being" my French therapist seems to say every session, frustratingly. I want to do the work to figure it out but even that kind of misses the point!
Anyway, thank you again for sharing this.
Totally!! I love/hate it when therapists say stuff like that. I think: ok, I hear you, and I see the wisdom... but can I get a workplan on how to do this “being” thing? What is my critical path?? :)
I really feel you on the struggle to give up what feels like part of yourself. Like this worked! For a long time! I’m proud of where it got me!
Increasingly I’m thinking about it less as giving up who I am—I’m always gonna be high functioning AF—and more about making space space for other parts alongside the competence. Congrats on the transition to freelance!
Yes yes a thousand times yes. I love how you have a different name for your perfectionist workaholic (Godzilla). I usually think about "Boss Brenna". She's always wearing a pencil skirt. I thought it was supposed to be me in the board room and pencil skirt! But now I picture myself without undergarments in a linen dress and seashell jewelry. HA.
Kate Moss traumatized us in the 90s...will Cheryl Sandberg be the villain of the 00s?
Keep going Liz!!! Good job!!!
Yes, the pencil skirts!! Why was it always pencil skirts? I had a whole closet full, and blazers to match. Lol I love your anti-boss-brenna outfit! Mine would definitely involve a flowy dress and sandals. And seriously re: Cheryl Sandburg. Even she appears to be questioning her own ‘lean in’ strategy these days: https://eleanormills.substack.com/p/world-exclusive-sheryl-sandberg-talks
Once again, we’re on the same wavelength in terms of writing topic this week, friend. It is comforting to know that before your season of rest, you too felt you were doing great work. And that others are also noticing that the season of post-burnout rest lasts longer than you expect -- six months, a year. I guess after hustling for a lifetime there’s a lot of resting up to do. Your notes on Godzilla make me think of Shonda Rhimes’ description of her work self as The Titan in her “Year of Saying Yes to Everything” talk. And how our mutual rediscovery of what matters -- at work or at home -- is what she calls “the hum.”
Yes! The work was good and my team was fabulous. As Taylor says: I’m the problem, it’s me :)
Yeah every time another bad-ass woman says it takes six months to a year, I breathe a sigh of relief and remind myself I’m 8 weeks in. I also thought 6 months felt like an extravagant amount of time to process my divorce at the beginning—surely I could make this grieving thing more efficient!—and yet here we are ha.
I loved Year of Yes, I’ll have to give it another read!
Strong relate. I’m in a place where I’m now trying to ask: okay, so if I at least partially created this problem, how do I solve it? Our system seems to demand that people work to burnout even if we don’t want to. I imagine that part of mounting an effective resistance to the external pressure is to stop re-creating it internally.
"oddly flat", I hear you on that as a fellow freelancer/writer who ditto enjoys the wandering though finds it sometimes tainted by a doubting/judging/perfectionist mind that also says I ought to be busy/busier. I'm currently playing with dropping the descriptions I give those feelings of apparent lack, and just sitting with them. It's hard. Illuminating. And not always in a happy aha way. Embracing imperfection/the natural flow is hard work, lol!
Ha, it is hard, isn’t it! It’s a good reminder to me to do less labeling / judging of the slow times, and just (try to) let them be.
Beautiful writing, Liz!
Thanks Andrew (please don’t proof my blog for typos 😅😅)
Gosh this is spot on. I have been unemployed for the last three months and am going through a similar journey. I don’t know how I’ll ever go back but...ya know need money to buy chicken nuggets.
Right? I feel like I could be a good lady if leisure. Unfortunately my bank account does not agree. I’m already questioning if I can / will go back to a more traditional job.
Well timed for a Friday post because I'm feeling so fried today. It leaves me pondering what it might feel like to lean at, knowing that I'm committed to walking into a uncontrolled-forest-fire of a project that has the potential to be awesome but is currently feeling like it might eat me alive. Love this blog Liz. Thank you!
Also this: “I found that things got a lot easier when I no longer expected to win.“ Leonard Cohen on perfectionism --- https://austinkleon.com/2023/02/26/leonard-cohen-on-perfectionism/?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email
Ooof, this was exactly what I needed to hear today, thanks cricket!
“If it is your destiny to be this laborer called a writer, you know that you’ve got to go to work every day, but you also know that you’re not gonna get it every day. You have to be prepared, but you really don’t command the enterprise.“
I'm enjoying this phase of my life where I decided from the outset that my new job wasn't going to define me - I'd do the job but not die trying; shut it off when I go home, have boundaries. Care LESS not more. I agree, def don't want any more of that leaning in BS. I'm tired.
Right?? I feel like there should be a midlife PSA: it’s ok if work is just work. Your job is never going to love you back.
I think I mentioned to you before that I’m a perfectionism coach, but the irony is that I burned myself out and I’ve been on my own sabbatical these past few months, intentionally slowing down for the first time in my life. It’s amazing how my body feels the difference, and how clear it’s become that I put so much pressure on myself for so long, even when I thought I was letting up. Thank you for sharing your experience, and your brilliant words!
It’s amazing how we don’t truly feel how much we need the change until we make it, isn’t it? There’s a quote I think of often that says “True self-care is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.” Congratulations on taking the sabbatical and reclaiming your energy!
YES! You have put words to my life goal: building a life I don’t need to escape from.
Just catching up on a month of blogs…happy tulip season! I’m so honored to have a cameo 💚🌻🌱
Haha happy tulip season! It’s almost time for nasturtiums!
So appreciate your candor in this. Going freelance is one of the weirdest experiences — to leave corporate but still kinda be in it. Think I need that book too haha
SO weird! I’m engaging daily with corporations, but not fully in the ecosystem. I’m still writing memos and making spreadsheets out of instinct. Old habits die hard.
Love this! Keeping leaning at and taking time to smell the flowers, my friend. I always say, let's actively avoid perfectionism, since perfection has an infinite ceiling which seems hard to reach-- and settle into floating below it blissfully.
❤️❤️ thanks for the chat that crystallized this piece.
Lovely writing, Liz. So true! It's helping me process my most recent professional breakup, a mass layoff at my company (was for the best, but it's hard being the dumpee and not the dumper). I'm not really a perfectionist, but I do relate to an innate need be productive. I've always been bad at office politics, but trusted (naively) that if I produce good work, that will speak for me. This layoff taught me that even though the work I and my many talented colleagues were producing was high-quality, our company could still deem us unessential when it came down to cutting costs.
Your post is a timely reminder that the people who matter most to me don't give a shit whether I'm productive; they just want me to be, as you put it, more myself. And I'm working on adopting this expectation, too. Thank you for this.