It makes sense why we don’t have this label. Having children is “expected” of women. At 48 I am not nor have not raised any children, but like you I am not really child free. My world is full of other people’s children whom I get to live and enjoy and send home.
Thank you for this! I agree! There’s an Instagram account called Rich Auntie Supreme that is a delight and holds space for the women living somewhere between childless and childfree.
Ah this is excellent, thanks for sharing! Love this by Rachel Cargle: “My reimagining of how I might live a full and meaningful life that both keeps me whole and serves my community feels like a bit of a renaissance of my own.”
“ I can care without caretaking.” Oh, how very necessary this is!
Also, this is a shorter version of what Sarah Blaffer Hrdy argues in “Mothers and Others” — that our species likely survived many eras of difficulty precisely because of the cool aunties (aka alloparents) among us.
My daughter made the choice to be without children, and I'm forever torn between hoping she doesn't regret it -- what mom doesn't want her child to be happy with all her choices? -- and admiring both her self-confident decision and a world that is a little bit better about allowing her to make it. I loved this article! Glad I found you.
My oldest sister has no children of her own. Thank you so much for this piece. She's totally gonna love it, especially because you've added to her vocabulary to define who she is to the children who are not hers.
I think about this a lot as I have chosen not to have kids. I want to find more friends who are also not having kids by choice and to find ways for my other friendships to survive the coming of children.
On the language, I believe one may still, say, slay a dragon. However one may not, in the presence of teenagers, say you "slayed bananagrams" or "slayed it." That will earn you an eye roll AND a finger snap. For the correct use, I can only point you to the term in its natural habitat on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@scorpioseasonfire/video/7254175206548245802?lang=en
On the friendships, I feel you. Are you following this week's contentious NY Mag story that's breaking the internet?
So hard to keep up with what the kids are saying and how they are ruling the world. I'm just a visitor from the 90s, haha. I have read that story but not all the chatter around it. I'm fascinated by the conversation in it, as someone who wants to structure her life without the nuclear family, and is questioning how we came to value it over all other ways of organizing ourselves.
What does it mean if I think I’m too old to have ever use the word “slay”? Does that make me a late Gen-Xer as opposed to an early millennial?
Also, for those of us who have been lost in the wilds of Alaska for the past two months, would you mind sharing the link to the NY Mag story you are referring to ?
This was a great read, Liz. You are brave—no way I could have gone on that ride without screaming and puking my guts out.
Right now, all my nieces and friends' kids are toddlers. I'm not so great with this age range, so I'm very much looking forward to when they're a bit older. I hope I'm a positive influence in their lives and can show them, by example, that it's okay to be different and exist outside the norm.
All the kids in your orbit are lucky to have you 💞
Yes, I hope the same thing! Though at the time I’m with them, I’m worrying about things like: wait, why are skinny jeans uncool?? I just got used to skinny jeans!! 😅😂
I'm not surprised you totally hit it off with "niece." You are the cool aunt! Can we still say "totally"?
I mean you *can* but they will totally roll their eyes at you. 🙄🙄🙄
It makes sense why we don’t have this label. Having children is “expected” of women. At 48 I am not nor have not raised any children, but like you I am not really child free. My world is full of other people’s children whom I get to live and enjoy and send home.
Thanks for talking about this.
“My world is full of children I get to enjoy and send home.” This is so validating and hopeful, thanks for sharing.
Thank you for this! I agree! There’s an Instagram account called Rich Auntie Supreme that is a delight and holds space for the women living somewhere between childless and childfree.
Ah this is excellent, thanks for sharing! Love this by Rachel Cargle: “My reimagining of how I might live a full and meaningful life that both keeps me whole and serves my community feels like a bit of a renaissance of my own.”
That niece sounds pretty amazing 😉
And the cousin too, who actually LIKES the roller coasters 😀
“ I can care without caretaking.” Oh, how very necessary this is!
Also, this is a shorter version of what Sarah Blaffer Hrdy argues in “Mothers and Others” — that our species likely survived many eras of difficulty precisely because of the cool aunties (aka alloparents) among us.
https://www.naturalhistorymag.com/htmlsite/0409/0409_feature.pdf
Interesting article, thanks for the link!
Loved today’s missive!! 😊
Thanks, and thanks for the picture!
My daughter made the choice to be without children, and I'm forever torn between hoping she doesn't regret it -- what mom doesn't want her child to be happy with all her choices? -- and admiring both her self-confident decision and a world that is a little bit better about allowing her to make it. I loved this article! Glad I found you.
This is so honest and generous. Thank you for sharing a mother’s perspective.
“All you have to do is show up.” -- this should be wallpapered everywhere, Liz. 🩷
And sharing with Ryli - she’ll love this
My oldest sister has no children of her own. Thank you so much for this piece. She's totally gonna love it, especially because you've added to her vocabulary to define who she is to the children who are not hers.
I loved the Wonder Wheel when I was a kid! Sometimes I can’t believe that thing is still running.
Right?! That’s why I thought the Wonder Wheel would be all old-timey and quaint. How scary could the swinging cars be? Answer: extremely.
Wait, "slay" isn't a verb? :)
I think about this a lot as I have chosen not to have kids. I want to find more friends who are also not having kids by choice and to find ways for my other friendships to survive the coming of children.
On the language, I believe one may still, say, slay a dragon. However one may not, in the presence of teenagers, say you "slayed bananagrams" or "slayed it." That will earn you an eye roll AND a finger snap. For the correct use, I can only point you to the term in its natural habitat on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@scorpioseasonfire/video/7254175206548245802?lang=en
On the friendships, I feel you. Are you following this week's contentious NY Mag story that's breaking the internet?
So hard to keep up with what the kids are saying and how they are ruling the world. I'm just a visitor from the 90s, haha. I have read that story but not all the chatter around it. I'm fascinated by the conversation in it, as someone who wants to structure her life without the nuclear family, and is questioning how we came to value it over all other ways of organizing ourselves.
What does it mean if I think I’m too old to have ever use the word “slay”? Does that make me a late Gen-Xer as opposed to an early millennial?
Also, for those of us who have been lost in the wilds of Alaska for the past two months, would you mind sharing the link to the NY Mag story you are referring to ?
You’re not missing much in the wilds of Alaska, I promise! Here’s the original piece: https://www.thecut.com/article/adult-friendships-vs-kids.html
Here’s one of the reaction posts: https://youngna.substack.com/p/10-critiques-about-that-nymag-piece
And here’s a roundup of some more nuanced perspectives from women without children: https://open.substack.com/pub/ttfapodcast/p/im-still-allowed-to-be-tired
This was a great read, Liz. You are brave—no way I could have gone on that ride without screaming and puking my guts out.
Right now, all my nieces and friends' kids are toddlers. I'm not so great with this age range, so I'm very much looking forward to when they're a bit older. I hope I'm a positive influence in their lives and can show them, by example, that it's okay to be different and exist outside the norm.
All the kids in your orbit are lucky to have you 💞
Yes, I hope the same thing! Though at the time I’m with them, I’m worrying about things like: wait, why are skinny jeans uncool?? I just got used to skinny jeans!! 😅😂
LOL! Just wait until skinny jeans are decidedly cool again and your niece will want vintage ones just like yours! 😉
HA!! Now this is a plan I can get behind!!