“When people I loved were hurting, I tried to fix them too. I said, ‘At least it’s not X’ and ‘Why don’t you do Y.’ I was trying to hurry away their hurt, as if their hurt were shameful. But in my darkest days, I was moved by friends who said, ‘This hurts like hell, and I’m sorry,’ without trying to make it better.”
People in the infertility groups I’m part of often say how painful it is when others try to fix or diminish our pain; how desperately we just need acknowledgment and validation of our grief. It’s such a human reflex to want to make the hurt stop, but you’re right; we need to be allowed to feel everything in order to heal and grow. ❤️
You sharing your work and candor is the gift to us ❤️
This resonates so deeply:
“When people I loved were hurting, I tried to fix them too. I said, ‘At least it’s not X’ and ‘Why don’t you do Y.’ I was trying to hurry away their hurt, as if their hurt were shameful. But in my darkest days, I was moved by friends who said, ‘This hurts like hell, and I’m sorry,’ without trying to make it better.”
People in the infertility groups I’m part of often say how painful it is when others try to fix or diminish our pain; how desperately we just need acknowledgment and validation of our grief. It’s such a human reflex to want to make the hurt stop, but you’re right; we need to be allowed to feel everything in order to heal and grow. ❤️
Beautiful essay ❤️ I got chills thinking of you putting a flower on that grave for me.