31 Comments
Mar 16Liked by Liz McCrocklin

I just re-read this on the heels of your pooch mom post. It's amazing to go back in time to be given the gift of getting a glimpse into your headspace, and seeing how your life has evolved since 2022...but a different sliver of what you were pondering in 2022 takes form in 2024. Can't wait for you and Felix to bond once again this year...and then you get to return home to puppy love and torn up toilet paper.

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This is so beautiful.

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Aug 16, 2022Liked by Liz McCrocklin

Feeling very connected to this for obvious reasons. I'm glad Felix was able to ground the story and your feelings in some way. He's currently convincing the Sandman of sleep to conjure up dreams full of trampolines, bouncy beds, and large L-shaped sectionals.

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I just reread this piece and I’m feeling all the sadness and also the relief right alongside you. I’m also at that fork in the road where hard decisions about parenthood vs. childlessness are being made for me by circumstance. I appreciate Kathryn’s comment: “My contentment in a situation that is hard to control is a gift.” I hope I, too, can find contentment, whatever the outcome.

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Yes!!! I’ve been very well mothered by people who don’t have biological children. This helped me “let go” of the dream I held so tightly. But of course it’s so hard. 🙏🏻

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So many parallels in our lives! Losing my nephew was really hard. I still wonder if he'll remember Aunt K K. Being CF, for me, has felt very natural -- and I recognize that my contentment in a situation that is hard to control is a gift.

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The life you can see out of the corner of your eye. . .your "almost life." So spot on, you have captured the twist of conflicting emotions of choosing not to be a mother of a human so beautifully. Thank you for writing and sharing this.

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Aug 14, 2022·edited Aug 14, 2022

Thank you for sharing this brave, thoughtful article. I am so proud of you, my friend. ❤️❤️❤️ I also re-read this recently and thought you might appreciate it if you haven’t read it yet: https://www.vox.com/first-person/22249380/kamala-harris-children-husband-doug-cole-ella-emhoff-meena-blended-family

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Oh, Liz. I feel the same way. If there is a judgment at the end of our lives, and thank goodness I don’t believe there is, tiny piece of me fears that I’ll be marked a failure for not becoming the mother I always through I was supposed to be.

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Could barely read through the tears. I feel so seen through you, your experience. What a gift.

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On the other side of this - irrevocably bound to kids, and my ex for that matter (since once you have kids, you always have this ex that is their other parent) - this resonates. I could even be a little envious ;)

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❤️ Well said! Yes to all of it.

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Your niece by choice loves you too

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stirring up waves upon waves of feelings

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Beautiful.

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