I haven't started the new relationship thing yet. It's too early and too raw yet. I'm an older man of 67. For me meeting friends would not be the issue. Meeting my adult children and grandkids seems terrifying. Also, in the reverse. Meeting her family. But, I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Thanks for the humor in your post. I find it very encouraging.
I feel this. Dating was way too much for me for a long time. Every year or so I’d dip my toes in and had an instant strong reaction that told me how ready I was (or not!) Meeting kids is also a big thing for me, but I’ll also cross that bridge when I come to it. Dating again is new and hard and also joyful and hilarious. I’m glad you find it encouraging :)
- I wanted my friends to tell me: Yes, he’s right for you, this will not go wrong. But their approval was not a magic spell to ward off future heartbreak. -
I remember the two men I dated after the major heartbreak. I had them meet my barometer friend from this place of 'tell me I've got it right that they wont hurt me'. I learnt if I was having to ask then my own barometer was likely off, that I was in some way not being myself in those relationships which after 15 years with the same person was bound to happen. All I know is that once I met my fiance there was no 'tell me its right', no texts to friends about aspects of our interactions, no gathering of opinion - and that wasn't entirely because he was so easy to trust but much more to do with how much trust I had built in myself.
Yes this rang so true for me! It’s the trust in my own barometer that’s hard after feeling like I got the signals scrambled last time around. It reminds me of how Brene Brown describes “polling” — gathering opinion as insecurity, vs gut checking your instincts. It’s very helpful to hear how this evolved for you over time!
Love Brene's take on this too - I remember that being a wake up call for me! I also love Juliet Allen's discussions around checking in with you head, heart and sex centre/sacral chakra area when making decisions to see if you have a 'yes' at all of these places. This kind of work helped me rebuild that intuitive trust. It's so hard after a breakup where you felt you missed something/were clueless but I think I learnt to realise I saw the good in someone and that what I missed was not mine to manage or hold. Wishing so much balance to your barotmeter!
“It's so hard after a breakup where you felt you missed something/were clueless but I think I learnt to realise I saw the good in someone and that what I missed was not mine to manage or hold.”
1,000 times this. This was exactly what I didn’t know I needed to hear. ❤️
Very good to hear about your new friend. It sounds as if he's a good sport and shares your sense of humor, which is important.
I loved this! You could have been describing me: To state the obvious, I’m not really a go-with-the-flow kind of person. I’m a what-time-does-the-flow-start-and-can-I-get-an-agenda kind of person. I want to know the direction of the flow and when we will arrive so I can pack enough snacks.
I should have it printed on a card to hand out to people who meet me for the first time.
I too loved this line. And the universe is absolutely wringing it out of me against my will. So this post was wildly relatable. A great story well told.
Love love love ❤️ ahhh!! I’m so happy for you that you’re putting yourself out there. I’m so happy for you that you have the best friends ever. I wish I was at this improv show !!! Your words ring true and have my reflecting on my own bizarre behavior when when my guy met my friends 🤪 ugh life is so funny
Hahahah yes, I really do have great friends (though one of them was the improv lead who called on me!) I have learned my lesson about sudden movements at improv shows. 😂
I haven't started the new relationship thing yet. It's too early and too raw yet. I'm an older man of 67. For me meeting friends would not be the issue. Meeting my adult children and grandkids seems terrifying. Also, in the reverse. Meeting her family. But, I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Thanks for the humor in your post. I find it very encouraging.
I feel this. Dating was way too much for me for a long time. Every year or so I’d dip my toes in and had an instant strong reaction that told me how ready I was (or not!) Meeting kids is also a big thing for me, but I’ll also cross that bridge when I come to it. Dating again is new and hard and also joyful and hilarious. I’m glad you find it encouraging :)
This line made me say out loud "So true!"
- I wanted my friends to tell me: Yes, he’s right for you, this will not go wrong. But their approval was not a magic spell to ward off future heartbreak. -
I remember the two men I dated after the major heartbreak. I had them meet my barometer friend from this place of 'tell me I've got it right that they wont hurt me'. I learnt if I was having to ask then my own barometer was likely off, that I was in some way not being myself in those relationships which after 15 years with the same person was bound to happen. All I know is that once I met my fiance there was no 'tell me its right', no texts to friends about aspects of our interactions, no gathering of opinion - and that wasn't entirely because he was so easy to trust but much more to do with how much trust I had built in myself.
Yes this rang so true for me! It’s the trust in my own barometer that’s hard after feeling like I got the signals scrambled last time around. It reminds me of how Brene Brown describes “polling” — gathering opinion as insecurity, vs gut checking your instincts. It’s very helpful to hear how this evolved for you over time!
Love Brene's take on this too - I remember that being a wake up call for me! I also love Juliet Allen's discussions around checking in with you head, heart and sex centre/sacral chakra area when making decisions to see if you have a 'yes' at all of these places. This kind of work helped me rebuild that intuitive trust. It's so hard after a breakup where you felt you missed something/were clueless but I think I learnt to realise I saw the good in someone and that what I missed was not mine to manage or hold. Wishing so much balance to your barotmeter!
I will check out Juliet Allen, thank you!
“It's so hard after a breakup where you felt you missed something/were clueless but I think I learnt to realise I saw the good in someone and that what I missed was not mine to manage or hold.”
1,000 times this. This was exactly what I didn’t know I needed to hear. ❤️
Very good to hear about your new friend. It sounds as if he's a good sport and shares your sense of humor, which is important.
I loved this! You could have been describing me: To state the obvious, I’m not really a go-with-the-flow kind of person. I’m a what-time-does-the-flow-start-and-can-I-get-an-agenda kind of person. I want to know the direction of the flow and when we will arrive so I can pack enough snacks.
I should have it printed on a card to hand out to people who meet me for the first time.
I too loved this line. And the universe is absolutely wringing it out of me against my will. So this post was wildly relatable. A great story well told.
Ha yes, I can already tell that 2023 is gonna be a go-with-the-flow masterclass and it’s a wild ride. One of these days I’ll learn…
Hahahahha right? Runs in the family — I come by it honestly!
Love love love ❤️ ahhh!! I’m so happy for you that you’re putting yourself out there. I’m so happy for you that you have the best friends ever. I wish I was at this improv show !!! Your words ring true and have my reflecting on my own bizarre behavior when when my guy met my friends 🤪 ugh life is so funny
Hahahah yes, I really do have great friends (though one of them was the improv lead who called on me!) I have learned my lesson about sudden movements at improv shows. 😂
I love every bit of this 😭🥺😅
😂😂😂 The universe is really testing my type-A instincts.
This is perfect.
Perfectly absurd 😂